Let it go

I love the movie (it’s about not just one, but TWO princesses. How can I not like it?) and the song is soooo awesome. It’s so popular I think I know why. Other than the cool animation, the lyrics are so relatable. I’m sure everyone, at one point of their life, feels like they have to conform to what’s socially acceptable. This song is about letting go of the past and be yourself. It’s such a good pick up song when you’re feeling down or frustrated.

There are two versions of the song, the movie version by Idina Menzel and the pop version by Demi Lovato. Both equally good and amazingly give out different vibes. The lyrics are slightly different too.

In Idina’s version you can initially feel the uncertainty and nervousness but then it follows with determination and bravery while in Demi’s you can feel the pain and the sadness.

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Drama Princess is in da house

The title says it all actually but drama princess isn’t a drama princess unless she writes lots of words. About feelings.

When you talk feelings, this is what usually comes to my mind:

 

I can’t help feeling the way I feel. I can’t help but feel I’ve lost you and I’m not a part of your life anymore. I know you mean nothing like that. I know you have other things in your life, I’m not angry with you at all, I’m angry with myself that I get so attached to one person that when that person isn’t available anymore, I get sad.

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Look at it from my point of view. We used to chat so much. Even during the day, we’ll message about random things. Funny things kids do, what’s for lunch, how to make soup, anything. So you were a constant presence in my life. Then the instant messages die down but the emails are still there. I look forward to every morning reading what you’ve been up to, your thoughts on random things, story about your family, etc. Then even that is gone. Your life moved on, you were occupied with other things but I wasn’t. So I need to fill this gap you left and I struggle with it. I can’t help but feel empty, missing your presence, and somewhat…lonely.

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I have two voices in my head: one is the drama princess who indulges in these strong feelings, and the other, the logical one who hates all things cheesy.

This is how it goes in my head

Drama Princess (Dr): my friend doesn’t talk to me anymore
Logical Princess (Lg): so? You got a kid here who would love to talk to you
Dr: I miss her, I wonder if she misses me
Lg: she’s probably just busy with other things
Dr: she doesn’t love me anymore
Lg: tumblr_inline_mpbfqxnEjy1qz4rgp
Dr: does she hate me?
Lg: No! She’s just busy!
Dr: did I say something that offend her?
Lg: don’t think so. She’s not sensitive like that.
Dr: it’s the nagging, isn’t it? I nag her too much she now hates me.
Lg: for goodness sake, stop it. She’s busy!! She’ll write when she can.
Dr: but it’s been so long
Lg:
downton-abbey-lady-violet-GIF-season-3-episode-4

Dr: tumblr_l7odxcTnL61qabfrro1_500
Lg: get-a-life-d95efd
Dr: she_doesn__t_love_me_anymore_by_kp_shadowsquirrel-d5h9xfs
Lg: Santana_rolling_her_eyes

I’ll get over it eventually. You mean a lot to me so it just takes a bit of time. Remember the time when I meant a lot to you? When it made your day to see my emails? Well, you’re like that to me now, the role has been reversed because you used to spoil me with your attention, now I’m missing it. I think I need to accept that things won’t be the same like the way it was before and I have to find somewhere else to spend this energy on.

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Argh. Drama princess signing off. Feel free to throw up in the toilet now. LOL.

Lost without you

No, that’s not a title of a romance book. It’s what I literally feel right now!

So my blog co-host who’s also my dearest friend, has gone overseas for about a week now and isn’t coming back for another week or so. Argh!!

Sure, we don’t even live in the same town and we hardly see each other in person, but I know she’s always contactable, be it by email or text. But where she’s gone, she has no convenient access to the internet and I miss her terribly!!

Funny how you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Another good friend of mine, who also lives in a different town, always complained she missed me and she didn’t like it when I go overseas. I initially dismissed the complain thinking hey, it’s not like we get to see each other every day anyway. What’s the difference? Now I know how she felt!!!

Usually when I have something to tell her, be it something that happened to me, or a rant, or a funny story, the response is pretty quick. Even if she doesn’t respond, I know she’s read it. It’s like I always have her in my phone. She’s my lifeline for goodness sake! But now, even if I send her an email, I know she won’t read it straightaway. It feels like she’s gone from my phone and my life!!! Okay I’m being a drama queen.

Drama queen

Never knew that one day I would need to use that gif.

Anyway, this post just to let you know how much I miss you and that I’ve turned into melted cheese because you’re away!!!

Ahem.

If you’re reading this L, no, I didn’t write this cheesy post.

Favourite kpop acts

Category 1: Obsessed. I know everything about them, owned almost all their physical released albums.

 

Dong Bang Shin Ki (5 members)

Best group ever. I stopped obsessing when the broke up. They have the craziest fandom. The ‘you touch my oppa, you’ll die’ kind of fandom.

 

Wonder Girls

The most genuine down to earth girls in kpop. They’re nowhere near perfect but they improve every single time. They have the nicest fans. Unlike other girl groups where male fans are dominant, Wonder Girls is one girl group that probably has more female fans than male fans.

 

Jo Kwon(2AM) & Ga In (BEG)

My favourite We Got Married couple.  They’re hilarious!

 

Category 2: I follow their news and know a lot about them, occasioally buy their albums but not emotionally attached to them.

 

Kara

Uhm, the origin of butt dance. Need I say more?

 

Miss A

Wonder Girls’ fierced sisters. Great dancers, great singers. Love these girls.

 

Secret

Energetic performers. I watched them live once and wow, they’re amazing.

 

After School (before Kahi and Bekah’s graduation)

I think the first 5 member formation was the best.

 

Brown Eyed Girls

Such talented singers.

 

2AM

I love how serious these guys when they’re singing yet when they aren’t they can pass as comedians.

 

Girls Generation

Who doesn’t know GG?

 

Co-Ed

They’re not rookie anymore but they disappeared from the kpop scenes for awhile now. What a pity.

 

5Dolls

The female half od Co-Ed. I love their songs. But now that Chanmi, the essence of this group, has left, I don’t know what has become of them.

 

 

 

Highlights from Find You in the Dark that makes me LOL because…

they remind me of Elle.

The crazy obsession…

  • “Why are you so interested in me?” He asked quietly. Hmm. How to answer that one? I didn’t want to tell him that I thought he was the most gorgeous creature I had ever seen and wanted to have his babies.
  • Clayton made me feel nervous and giddy all at once. I liked it.
  • I even made a point to wait outside of the creative writing class I knew he had with Rachel, but he somehow snuck out without me seeing him. Okay, I admit, I was becoming a bit obsessed.

Elle never afraid to admit she’s a sucker for gorgeous bad boy…and she’s obsessed with them.

Taking risk in the name of love

  • “I told my parents I was staying after school so I could get some extra help in Chemistry. Why don’t I blow off my study group and we go to your house.”
  • I quickly did the math in my head ad relaxed when I realize the unprotected sex shouldn’t be an issue.

Giving in to spur of the moment temptation…admit it, woman, you’ve been there, done that.

Guilty and she knows it…but go for it anyway. 

  • But as I watched his fantastic ass in his dark jeans, I forgot abut guilt and was overcome by unbridled hormones.
  • As I got in, I had a moment of guilt that here I was again, lying to my parents.
  • I was being an ungrateful little bitch and I knew it.

How many times have I heard “I know I know it’s bad for me but I just can’t stop!!!”

I love you, Mom. But right now, you’re driving me crazy.

  • I glared at my mother, the woman who had been  my best friend and biggest support for most of my life. But in that moment I forgot all about that. Instead, all I saw when I looked at her, was my enemy.

She and her mom drive each other crazy when they’re together.

Doesn’t always agree with her parents but know they just want the best for her.

  • And I felt the guilt again as I thought of my own warm and loving parents who, in all of their over protectiveness, just wanted what was best for me.

No matter how much she argues, at the end of the day, she knows they just want the best for her.

Regret and self reflection…

  • But now in the cold light of morning, I was reminded of how awful things had gotten. Had I rushed into sex to try and block out how much he had hurt me?

Wondering if she’s done the right thing…sometimes a little too late.

Don’t mess with me attitude

  • He tried to reach out for me and I slapped him across the face. Hard.

I can so see Elle do that.

Like Maggie, I think she’s pretty cool.

Lunchtime pondering: dreaming

The past two nights I had some intense vivid dreams. I’ve forgotten all about them now but I remembered them clearly when I just woke up.

Whenever I think about dreams, I can hear Elle’s words echoing in my head, ‘I’m a dreamer, I have vivid imagination’ which brings me to the question ‘do I dream enough?’

Of course the dream we’re talking about here is not the dreams you get when you’re sleeping, but about daydreams. Things you think about, things you wish are reality but they aren’t and often they may never be.

I’m one who’s afraid to dream. I think I don’t dream enough. When I read a book or watch a movie, I usually forget the storyline quickly. I was listing books I’ve read on goodreads the other day, about three quarters of them I don’t remember anymore what they’re about. My husband asked me if I’ve watched this movie called ‘Joy Luck Club’, I remembered I’ve watched it multiple times but I honestly have zero idea right now what it was about. Ask me what Lion King is about. I have no idea.

Why am I so afraid to dream? I tried looking back to my past and pinpoint any event that made me afraid to dream but I couldn’t. In fact, as a child, I have big imagination. I remember I have an imaginary boyfriend and I was an imaginary  character. It’s a little secret I have with myself. My mom said I talked to myself a lot.

But now, unless I know I can achieve it, I don’t dare to dream. Elle loves her fantasy alpha male boys from books. I don’t, not because I don’t like them, but because I know they are not real so I already build a wall before I get to know them. Had they been a real person, I will probably love them. I mean, who wouldn’t love a rich, attentive, romantic and hot guy who pampers you and thinks you’re the most precious thing in the world?

I’ve been taught that success starts with a dream. How can I be successful if I don’t dream? My husband, being the workaholic he is, often asked me what my goal in life. I never answered him. Because I have none. Maybe I do have one. I  want to be happy. As long as I’m happy, I’m content.

I think maybe that’s why. Dreams are not real. At least not for the moment. When good things I really like and want but I can’t have it because it’s not real, it makes me sad. I don’t like being sad. So why dream?

The day I do dream, I usually know that one day my dream will come true. For example, I dream to work with little children. I would love to work in child care industry but giving up my job right now is not very wise. I’ve been in this career for so long and to start over in a different field is just not financially wise. But I know for sure, that one day, when money is no longer an issue, I can make the career switch.

That’s how I dream. I dream small. Things I can make true. Even when I write fictions, the characters are usually based on people that I know in real life. See, even something that is supposed to be fictional contains some reality. I just don’t have the guts to dream.

My dad is a big dreamer. He always tells me to dream big, it’s the only way to be successful. But I can’t. I just can’t. Sorry, daddy. You’ll just have to be satisfied with an ordinary daughter who makes a living by doing ordinary job. I will never make a big name for myself. But I’m truly happy to be ordinary. That is, if you’re happy for me.

Find you in the dark (by A. Meredith Walters) Review

This is a review by Dee. You can check Elle’s review here.

In an attempt to catch up with my beautiful friend’s book addiction, which by the way, was caused by me (long story on that), I finally finished a book in her recommendation list. I’ve started reading a couple of books she recommended but I’m lack the motivation to finish them.  This book however, I finished without much complain. Not in the speed of light she she did, but I finished and actually enjoyed it and felt like I didn’t waste my time.

The plot

The plot is engaging, there was no dull moment, there was always something happening that makes you anticipate. I dislike the moment in romance book where all the characters do is make sweet cheesy love and say sweet cheesy thing. I like to add cheese in my cooking, but too much of it can overwhelm the taste of the whole dish. It’ll be like eating a cheese block.

I like happy endings but actually didn’t mind the not so happy ending in this book. I don’t feel the rush to want to read the second instalment. Had it not have Epilogue, I would tear my hair off but the Epilogue gave me closure. Actually, had it have a happy ending, it would have been forgettable to me. The ending made me think. I like that in a book. I like pondering about random stuffs in life. Things with no answer.

The Subplot

What’s even cooler than the plot is the subplot. I love books with great subplot! It makes the book double interesting. The story of Rachel and Daniel, the female’s heroine’s best friend, is adorable! Often stories have a half-hearted subplot that’s added just because the writer needs a side character to come in between the main characters. Often it makes you want to skip the page so you can get on with the main plot.

There was one thing that I was slightly disappointed with the subplot: we didn’t get to see first hand how Rachel and Daniel made up after Rachel revealed her feelings for him. It would be cool to see how the two interacts at that point of the story. All we got was the summary by Rachel when she was telling Maggie about it.

The Writing

The writing was simple and easy to follow. No unexplained big words, no convoluted sentences. Thumbs up from me. I dislike book that makes me feel stupid because I have to consult dictionary every five words or reread a sentence five times because I can’t figure out what it’s trying to tell me.

There were some spelling mistakes, I spot about four. I’m sure plenty grammar nazis out there have willingly pointed them out to the writer so I won’t bother listing them. To me it’s forgiveable for a 99c ebook. It’s not that many to disturb my enjoyment.

The Characters

Maggie

Maggie is damn cool. She’s impulsive but that’s normal for a teenager. I like the fact that she’s a teenager so her actions and reactions are normal for her age. It will be different had she been a woman in her twenties. I would have complained how blind and stupid she is. So I’m glad the writer made her a teenager! I like how she knows the consequences of her actions. I like that in a person. If you decide to take a risk, you should at least know what your risks are. Not jump in there blindly and then complain about the consequences. For example, everytime she lied to her parents, she knew if she gets caught she would get in trouble. When she did get caught, she accepted the punishment and not hold grudges against her parents. That, I think, is way cool.

I also like that while she often behaves like a love sick person, in her head, she’s still thinking logically and is not afraid to stand up for herself. The best moment in the book for me is the time she slapped Clay. That’s golden!!!

She also try to move on when bad things happen. She may be moping inside but she tries her best not to let it affect her daily life. She still studies, goes out with her friends and does things with her parents. I dislike people who victimise themselves, lock themselves in their room and cry for seven days and seven nights, and use it as an excuse to ditch their responsibilities.

As I was reading the book, there were many many times where I have to smile or even laugh, not because the story is funny but because Maggie sounds so much like my cohost of this blog. Oh yeah, she’s pretty cool that woman. More on that in another post.

Clay

Clay is clinically ill and behaves like one. So not much I can say there. As much as I like to complain about his clinginess and stupidity, I can’t because it’s expected and it’s vital to the story. Without this trait there will be no story.

Maggie’s parents

I like how the writer makes them act like any normal parents would. She doesn’t make them the super cool parents nor the super annoying parents. They’re cool within their limits. They react to things like any parents would.

Clay’s parents

This is where my complain would lie. Not because they’re heartless, selfish, and ignorant, that’s alright to me as these traits are necessary to make the story, but because I can’t recall an explanation why they are the way they are. It would be nice to know some background information about why they behave this way.

Rachel

She’s adorable. She’s such a good friend. She’s as lovable as the main character. I’m so glad the writer makes her the way she is. She makes your heart warm and bring a smile to your lips even in the darkest part of the story. Very refreshing.

Daniel

He has the same effect as Rachel and doubles as an object of Clay’s jealousy. A multi purpose character! Very clever. Much better than introducing an extra character that does nothing than being a jerk who makes Clay jealous.

Ruby and Lisa

Clay’s aunt and her partner sound like really cool people. I would love to see more of their interaction with Clay and I would love to see how they stand up for Clay in front of his parents. I think these two could have been featured more in the story.

My verdict

I’d say 4.5 out of 5. It’s a pretty damn good story but there are rooms for improvements. It can still be perfected.